Civility in Etiquette

by Joshua Patterson

Etiquette is an aspect of refined human behavior that takes many forms. It is not by any means limited to how you conduct yourself at the dinner table, or how well you "mind your Ps and Qs" when interacting with elders and figures of authority. From the courtesy you exercise over the phone with a customer or business associate to the hospitality you demonstrate when hosting a family friend, etiquette is a crucial aspect of professional and personal relationships that defines the impression you leave on your peers. The presence or lack of etiquette during a formal engagement can influence the survival of a business or the endurance of opportunity. It can fortify bonds or burn bridges. Ultimately, etiquette is a subtle but impactful discipline that, while seldom discussed, has the most vocal impact on your professional presence.

Civility is an element of etiquette that reflects your value of others as much as it reflects your value of yourself.According to the Oxford Languages, it can be defined as “formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.”While etiquette refers to a general code of formality that promotes healthy relationships in society, civility places a spotlight on how we manage our interpersonal relationships.It is a social art form that places a concentration on our most basic behaviors in a public environment, narrowing down to our simplest actions.

Allow me to provide a couple of examples:

1) An employee engages in a personal conversation with his coworkers during his boss’s presentation.

2) A teacher brings emotional stress over personal concerns into the classroom before a lecture, ultimately allowing her frustration to “bleed” onto her students.

One might think it would be a given to avoid these social infractions in the public sphere, yet these are just two of the many demonstrations of incivility exercised on a regular basis in our society. In fact, a study coordinated in recent years on incivility indicates that “the vast majority of Americans -- 93 percent -- identify a civility problem in society, with most classifying it as a ‘major problem’ (69 percent)” (prnewswire.com). The expansion of communication avenues through the innovations of social media has escalated American concern to an alarming degree, with “63 percent saying social media is a contributing factor to the negativity” (campaignlive.com). As a result, a concentrated focus on remediating civility issues in workplaces, at formal engagements, and in business negotiations has been the agenda of corporate and professional institutions devoted to producing beneficial results between peers and coworkers.

If there exists no other motivation for addressing the lack of civility permeating today’s society, our safety and livelihood should be sufficient inspiration. Hacala argues that “the societal and financial costs of incivility are astronomical -- impacting our homes and relationships, schools, economy, health care, and government” (aarp.org). Fortunately, there are habits we can employ to curtail today’s epidemic of rudeness and shoddy etiquette. Richman cites ten key actions that can help stimulate civility in our professional and social environments:

1) Focus on others’ needs and consider how your words and actions will impact others before you speak or act.

2) Be intentional in your communications.

3) Become a bridge-builder and act in a manner that creates an inclusive work environment.

4) Appreciate the value of diverse opinions in developing approaches to varying situations.

5) Understand that conflicts will occur and take responsibility for your actions, regardless of the situation.

6) Guard against acting impulsively based on negative assumptions about another’s intent, as that can lead to damaged relationships.

7) Avoid tendencies to become caught up in gossip, complaining, or other forms of negativity in day-to-day interactions.

8) Consider what today’s difficult, yet temporary, situations mean with respect to the overall scheme of things by employing a broader and more realistic perspective.

9) Be supportive of your organization in your communications both inside and outside of the workplace.

10) Pay attention to how respectful you are in your communications and other actions on an ongoing basis.

(legacycultures.com)

Civility is a crucial discipline, as its proper use can build some of the most promising and meaningful relationships you will ever experience in your life. When disregarded out of ignorance or for the sake of selfish convenience, however, the most precious bonds can be sabotaged. Mendelsohn reminds us that “To be ‘civil’ is to act in a way appropriate to your fellow citizens, and ‘civility’ is the behavior that marks mutual acknowledgement that we individuals share common public, and political, space” (townandcountrymag.com). Today, we live in a day and age where cellular devices, political worldviews, and strong opinions threaten the harmony of our social fabric with their own rigid boundaries. If we hope to preserve any sense of human decency and goodwill amongst our public negotiations and private fellowship, we must think outside of our “box” and learn to revere the interests of our neighbors.

SOURCES:

Hacala, Sara. “5 Ways to Bring Back Civility.” AARP Bulletin, 1 March 2012, https://www.aarp.org/politics-society/advocacy/info-03-2012/e tiquette-manners-civility.html. Accessed 6 July 2021.

Mendelsohn, Daniel. “Is This the End of Civility As We Know It?” Town & Country, 29 June 2016, https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/politics/a6658/bad-manners-politics/#. Accessed 6 July 2021.

Richman, Barbara. “10 Actions You Can Focus on to Influence Culture of Respect, Civility in Your Workplace.” Legacy Business Cultures, 13 March 2015, https://legacycultures.com/10-actions-you-can-focus-on-to-influence-culture-of-respect-civility-in-your-workplace/. Accessed 6 July 2021.

Stein, Lindsay. “Study: Most Americans believe social media is causing incivility.” Campaign US, 27 June 2019, https:// www.campaignlive.com/article/study-americans-believe-social-media-causing-incivility/1589096. Accessed 5 July 2021.

Weber Schandwick. “93 Percent of Americans Agree the U.S. Has a Civility Problem, Yet 92 Percent of Americans Report Their Workplace is Civil: Civil Workplaces are More Likely to be Diverse and Inclusive, According to New Survey.” PRNewswire.com, PR Newswire, 13 July 2018, https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/93-percent-of-americans-agree-the-us-has-a-civility-problem-yet-92- percent-of-employed-americans-report-their-workplace-is-civil-300665621.html. Accessed 5 July 2021.